Sonic College
by Muchacho1994
Summary: My follow-up to the so bad it's good Sonic High School
1. Going Fast

Author's note: Hi, my name's Jake. You may know me from my fic _Caillou Goes to Jail_. After reading the fanfic _Sonic High School, _I decided to do a follow-up to it. Here is _Sonic College._

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"GET THE FUCK UP, SONIC!" said Sonic's mom. "YOUR DAD'S TAKING YOU TO COLLEGE TODAY!"

Sonic yawned like a nigga at a white conventshon, and glanced at the clock. "4:30 AM!" it screamed at his face. Sonic screamed back at it and put his socks and sneakers on really fast because he is fast and fast means super speed and super speed is what Sonic has. It was still dark out, but Sonic's parents wanted him to have an early start so he could have time to learn where everything was before his first class.

Sonic then ran downstairs and snatched a piece of toast like a... you know what? Screw similes. "See you in the summer, Mom!" Sonic said without any sadness or crying in his voice.

Lightning suddenly flashed in the background as Sonic's mom, who was wearing a bunch of cooking shit all over her body like oven mitts and aprons and that crap snarled, "You're dead to me."

$:);)-9- 1&amp;-]£_£[£_€\€^|+[=*{€!?.'"

Sonic got in his father's 1989 Ford Tempo, which still ran like a cheetah being shot by bad people for its fur for fursuits for furries to masterbait to on the internet and fantazise about being stepped on by giant paws and that crap which I MOST DEFANITELY DO NOT DO EVER, and his dad said, "Welp, this will be our last time together for almost a whole year." He cleered his throat. "Enjoy these next two hours, OK?"

"Whatever, said Sonic, turning on his iPod to listen to metal grunge with bad words in it." Sonic did not like his father secretly because he was an an alcohaulic and yelled at him all the time because of it.

The car started and sped out of the drivew ay. It turned left, then right, over a bridge, onto the interstate, and then stayed there for an hour or two before getting on the road for college.

-/()$$[^]*_*_+=[+_*]|*_€[£¥_+_=[

In the parking lot of Hegehog University, Sonic's dad's started to tear up. "Well, son, this is-"

"GO TO HELL! BYE!" Sonic sped away through the college doors like a maniac.


	2. Missing Home

It was time for Sonic's first class of the day: calculos. AN: "Calculos" is short for "calculators," just so you know.

Sonic hated calculos; it was extremely complicating for him. In fact, Sonic hated everything that wasn't about super speed and maybe art, because he liked to paint penises and vagynas while the teacher wasn't looking. He found the door to calculos, went to it, and went through it. He didn't close the door behind him because he was too cool for that, even though that was really bad and will get you into big trouble. He then found a seat inbetween Tails and Amy, and sat down in it.

The teacher was named Mrs. Number 16 Bus Shelter. It was a very strange name, but her parents refused to have it changed. She began droning on about "Hey, dudes, welcome to collage" and that stuff, so Sonic turned to Amy.

"Psst," he whispurred. "Wanna make sexy entercourse tonight?"

"TEACHER!" Amy hollered. "SONIC'S TRYING TO RAPE ME!" she screamed.

"Sonic, please be quiet, and PLEASE close the door, or you will go in detention," said Mrs. Number 16 Bus Shelter, the teacher.

Sonic gave the middle finger. "Shut up, bitch, I'll do what I want."

The teacher didn't like this. "Sonic, please come uup to the board and solve this problem for the class," she said, beckoning.

Sonic walked up to the blackboard and stared at the problem. It said:

"(A/2ϖ x 61) + r2 - (∞ - 2) - 2Π = _"

Sonic groaned, and finally wrote "elevendy".

* * *

Sonic was in lunch class with Amy, Tails, Knuckles, and other people. They were serving a ziti bake, but Sonic was too upset to eat. He kept picking at his food with his fork like a fat man who can't eat any more in an eating contest.

"Are you okay, Sonic?" asked Sonic's friend, Knuckles, who had been transformed back into an adult last week.

"Yeah, I got a 0 in calculus class for not being able to answer any of the equations." Sonic finally ate a piece of ziti, but suddenly recoiled In disgust. This wasn't anything like the ziti bake his mother always made for him before he left for college. This tasted artificial, like a frozen dinner.

"I think you went too far when you called the teacher a bitch," Tails said. "Maybe then she would have given you some easier questions."

Sonic didn't respond. Thinking about his mother's ziti bake was making him start to remanisce about home. He missed his parents and his room and his bed and the chicken fettuccine Alfredo with broccoli added in.

Sonic was suddenly overcome by a wave of emotion like he'd never had before. He was beginning to actually miss his alcohaulic dad, the one who abused him because he was always drunk off his ass.

"Sonic, are you OK?" said Shadow softly. who also noticed he wasn't talking.

"Uh, yeah, I gotta go," Sonic replied quickly before speeding off, unable to stop his tears from building up. Like Jewish people being thrown up in the air at a Barmit's Va, they welled up and came streaming down as he charged through the hallways with super speed.

"Something's wrong," whispered Rouge, the freaking bat.

"It's the pasta bake," said Knuckles Jr., Rouge's baby who could talk. "Everyone knows it's horrible and nobody wants to be around it."

"Hmm," shrugged Espio. "It's OK."

They carried on eating their lunches.


End file.
